Selfish...

Being the youngest child is not the best as far as i think.

It always ended up stuck in the middle of family problems.

And most of the time,

it seems as a problem.

Its suffocating.

hard to breath,

as when comparison is taken place.

Worst part became as a problem.

"I'm not a burden. I don't need You to do anything. I don't need your help."

These sentence always wanted to let out from my mouth.

But they never been spill out.

I'm tired....feels like tears coming down,

holding them in the eyes,

never letting them to come down or to get out,

its very hard to hold those tears.

Am i a burden to my family?

Sometimes i feel like i am a burden.

Things happen around me...

Peoples around me keep telling me things that are not nice to hear

about me and my families members.

HEY WHAT CAN I DO?

What you think i am?? Who do you think i am??

What you want me to do?

If you got a problem with it....why don't you tell those people yourself.

Its so tiring to be stuck in the middle.

And i don't want to care about it anymore.

I had enough.

(Tears coming down to my cheek.)

Without you....

One more hour and thirty minutes

it would be 24hours since we last met.

I din receive her msgs too.

I'm not sure either whether what I've did should or not to be done.

I understand the feeling of her,

when she leave without saying goodbye

rushing beck into the house.

She must be sad,

i can feel the tears are going to come down from her eyes.

but i did not do anything else.

--At My Side--

My heart doesn't feel any better either.

What i've did,

I have my own reason.

Ever times b4 i see her get beck into the house.

I got a pain in my heart so bad...i wana cry at that very moment.

Instantly.......

But what could be done?

Nothing i can do.

Well i made the other choice and dropped her off earlier then usual.

things turns out to be worst then ever.

I never expect to have such respond.

Drove off beck to place i need to be.

In the car, alone......

A lot of things flashing into my head thinking things negatively.

"What if this never happen?"

"What if that never happen?"

"What if i didn't do this?"

"What if i didn't do that?"

Tears were coming down, trying to stop the tears,

i turn the air-con in the car aiming at my eyes.

My eyes were dried by it, by it hurts the other way round.

After i reached my destination, I stayed in the car for 30 minutes.

-Last message to her-

I reached home.. Nites..

After the message,

i head to bed with my slight fever and headache.

she never know that,

I didn't want her to know either.

To me there are things that i want to kept to myself,

not letting others to know.

I never wanted others to worried.

I've always think that my own burden should be carried me alone.

making others worried is not

what i want, never wanted.

I never expect you to know or understand.

All i need is your trust on what

decision I've made.

#!! I'm Not Perfect !!#

Every time i'm back in home town.

I felt that i'm always neglect one important

person in my life.

I have always been doing my own things.

Leaving her aside.

I can't sleep.

She's angry at me.

Not responding to me.

In this cold night i felt lonely, feeling cold, lacking your hugs.

Some times i don't know why i did it.

I'm just not being myself.

Doing my own things, without noticing, i left people around

and a side.

This might be my worst habit,

but i can't banish this habit in short time.

Its my habit for quiet some times.

BUT

I hope i could eliminate it.

Make the important person,

the ONE i LOVE the most,

not to feel that I've ignored her and leaving a side.

I will always having u in my heart.

Every second.

Without doubt.........

I LOVE YOU

Please forgive my bad action.

I LOVE YOU....

I really do.